Clumsy Heart's The Perks Of Being A Monarch

<a href="/account/Clumsyxheart" target="_self">ClumsyxHeart</a>'s The Tudors Fan Fiction I know I am Going To be Crucified for this but this Henry's Side of the Story with very important issues and without further ado The Perks Of Being A Monarch (Note: Some of this story will be AU but remember kids this is fiction!

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NAME: The Perks Of Being A Monarch: Introduction

Disclaimer: Unless I was Henry Myself *brandishes axe*, I do not own ANY of this story The Perks of Being a Monarch Introduction letter: Dear who ever is taking their gracious time to read my story, This is no trick but my name is Henry Tudor (you could also call me Harry if you so please) and I am (probably was if you are reading this after I am stashed away in the family crypt for eternity) the King of England. I am writing a story of my first two marriages. About myself? Well you’ll find out more about me later in this tale. Why am I writing this story you may ask? Well hopefully to teach you all a lesson in love, life, family and of course politics. Hopefully you won’t make the same mistake I did. My former wife Anne was executed this morning and just now hearing the news I am sitting here contemplating the mess I had to go through just to marry the whore or was she really a whore? I don’t know but if I see her in the afterlife in the heavens I will come to the conclusion I wrongly executed her. Hopefully you didn’t put this book down yet because my story hasn’t even started. Well before I bore you with this letter I might as well end it. I hope you enjoy my rather darkly humorous romantic eerie tale and learn from my mistakes because well, we don’t want history to repeat itself right? Sincerely, Your Majesty King Henry the 8th

COMMENT: I like the idea of a story told by Henry's point of view, usually we see the story through one of his victims (for example, wives). I can't wait to read it all. BY MEMBER: queen_elizabeth_1533	COMMENT: BY MEMBER:
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NAME: The Perks Of Being A Monarch: Chapter One

The One of the Last Disastrous Beddings: It started the night before I met Anne. I was waiting patiently in my wife Katherine of Aragon's room. One of the last disastrous times we bedded. I was standing in her room naked as the day as I was born, tapping my royal foot on the bedroom floor with my arms crossed. I felt so bad for not bedding Katherine for all these months so I thought I would surprise her. Where was Katherine? Praying as usual. As I stood naked I could help but remember all the disastrous times we bedded. One would be one that would haunt me forever, out consummation: There we were in bed waiting as the priest gave us the final prayer giving us the go ahead to consummate the marriage. As the guests from our wedding and priest left the room my newly wedded wife Katherine of Aragon and I stared at each other. The room was silent and it was like that for a good half an hour. Why was it like that you ask? I still had some doubts that Katherine was a virgin. You see my fellow reader, Katherine was married to my older brother Arthur when I was nine years old. Arthur eventually died of the sweating sickness and she was betrothed to me. I was very excited for this but there was a problem, they didn't know if Katherine was a virgin. To make a long story short I waited for years till the pope finally gave us the go ahead to get married. Now here we were still waiting to consummate this marriage. "Well," Katherine said breaking the silence, "are we going to consummate this marriage or not?" She looked at me again and spoke: "Harry dear are alright you look pale? I'm your wife now you could tell me anything. Is it nerves? Believe me Harry, I'm nervous too." That's one thing I will always love about Katherine of Aragon, she was like my mother always concerned about my well being. "Katherine I'm sorry I'm still having a little bit of doubts that you are still a virgin" I finally spoke, hoping she wouldn't kill me. She sprang out and ripped off her nightgown. I guess that infuriated her a bit. "YOU DON'T BELIEVE I'M A VIRGIN I'LL PROVE TO YOU I'M A VIRGIN!!" All the color drained from my face. My body started to shiver. "Katherine, I'm sorry I didn't mean it" I looked up and she was naked, me and my big mouth. She was holding her undergarments in her hand. "SILENCIO!!" She stuffed her undergarments in my mouth, yes that was mortifying. She then ripped off my undergarments and launched on me as if she was a dog launching on a defenseless animal during the hunt. The rest was a blur, but I remember coming hard during our consummation. Well I did want it, but I did not have the voice to give her my consent. The next day though I did indeed find blood on the sheets and from that day forward I never doubted Katherine of Aragon again. I couldn't help but smirk at the memory when the door finally opened. I jumped on the bed expecting Katherine of Aragon to enter. Well she did enter I smiled and she smiled cause I was finally in her bed chamber after months of bedding other woman. "SURPRIS-AHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled. Behind Katherine followed a swarm of her ladies in waiting. Many giggled, I even heard a "Oh LA LA". Mortified (though I was flattered that the women were attracted to me) I hid myself under the covers well mainly foe Katherine's sake. "ALL OF YOU STOP STARING!" Katherine screamed, "ESPECIALLY YOU LADY BLOUNT!" She was referring to Bessie my first mistress. By then she knew Bessie had my first son. But Bessie has no importance to this story other than she gave me my first son that lived more than a year. "ALL OF YOU OUT!" Katherine barked. Her ladies scurried out like field mice. Bessie the first one out with her face as red as fire. That was the first embarrassing incident of the night. Katherine then started to strip as I slowly went out from under the covers. "Henry," she said, "what a pleasant surprise, I thought I would never feel you inside me again" I stretched my arms so my body looked like a lowercased "T". I took a deep breath and let my body go limp. "I'm all yours, do what you like to do to me." I said She was so excited that I was finally in her bedchamber that she once again jumped on top of me like she was a dog in the hunt pouncing on a defenseless animal. Her hands were all over my body, starting from my neck. She explored the torso region and the inside of my thighs. Her lips gently kissed mine.I groaned between kisses as my body ached to be inside hers. Finally the cool sensations were rushing through our bodies. "HENRY!" "CATALINA!" I was once again on the verge of releasing when the door went open widely. I was horrified at who was at the door, it was my daughter Mary. "Mamma I can't sleep, what are you and papa doing?" She asked "MARY GO OUTSIDE I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE! I'm sorry Henry dear to end on short notice but I have attend to Mary" She slowly stepped into her robe and followed Mary out the door. Once again the color drained from my face. Tears rushed down my eyes because I was hurt. She begged me to come to her bedchamber for months and she ended a moment of pleasure so abruptly. It was then my affection for Katherine slowly started to leave me from that moment my story began.

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NAME: Perks Of Being A Monarch Chapter 2

I've Just Seen A Face: I've just seen a face,I can't forget the time or placeWhere we just met.She's just the girl for meAnd I want all the world to seeWe've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-m'mmm-mmm.Had it been another dayI might have looked the other wayAnd I'd have never been aware.But as it is I'll dream of herTonight, di-di-di-di'n'di.Falling, yes I am falling,And she keeps callingMe back again.I have never knownThe like of this, I've been aloneAnd I have missed thingsAnd kept out of sightBut other girls were never quiteLike this MMM-MMM-MMM-M'MMM-MMM-The Beatles The next day I was in a grumpy mood. Katherine begged me to her bed chamber only to make love for 5 minutes after her ladies in waiting saw me on display and my daughter saw us making love. That was one of the few cons of Katherine, she said one thing and did another. As for me I sat there and nodded my head and let her do what ever she wanted. One of my many flaws growing up dear reader, was that when I fell in love, I fell down hard. Ladies for me were like the guards in the tower of London. They tortured me into submission, and I was afraid to say no because I wanted to be submissive. I guess I fell in love at a young age with Katherine and that made me weak under her spell. Unfortunately there was no way out until I met her. We were performing this pageant for the ambassadors of Katherine's native country of Spain. Some rubbish about good and evil. We men were fighting these woman called the disgraces. I was so infuriated with Katherine that I didn't even pay attention I was staring out the window in costume. My thoughts raged on. Did she love me? Or was she preoccupied? My thoughts were then rudely interrupted by some fool dressed up in costume. "YOUR MAJESTY WE'RE ON!" GREAT MORE SHAME!I thought. "BULLLLLLLLOOOOOOCCCCCKKKS!" I yelled running in with my wooden sword in the air like a dog in the hunt. (I'm sorry dear reader I'm using that phrase way to much. Just a word of caution I am gonna be using that phrase a lot) We were all paused when the idiots of the show were screaming at the disgraces to let the graces go. I looked up at my sister Margaret who looked unamused and bored. I was going to get her but she I realized I didn't want to deal with her rants about her future marriage while carrying her on my back down an unsteady wall. I'll save that for that dumb dance. So I settled for the woman standing next to her. I couldn't help but stare at her. Though she was in a mask I could tell she was gorgeous. She had a pale complexion. Her body was thin and boney. Her hair tied back in a bun. What struck me was her neck, it was long and thin. I wanted to gaze at her forever but I was once again rudely interrupted when I heard: "ATTACK!" And once again like a dog in the hunt I sprinted. I shoved some men out of my way and climbed the fucking unsteady wall as if I were a spider monkey. No one was getting the girl but me. I was finally there and she gave me a smile. I bet she has never seen anyone so barbaric just to get a closer glance at her. "Hello there" I said. Could I sound any dumber? "Hello" she said back. I was ecstatic that I didn't scare her. "And what is your name?" "Perseverance" "Your real name" "Anne, Anne Boleyn" I smiled, I perviously courted her sister. The Boleyns and the Howards were always attractive people. "Pleasure to meet you Anne, perseverance you are now my prisoner" I then carried her on my back down the unsteady wall. It was the best weight on my back I ever carried. Her skin felt soft as her arms wrapped loosely around my neck. I felt the blood rush to the familiar area to my body. I needed to release badly. "You never told me your name sir knight" Anne whispered in my ear. As we got to the bottom of the wall. I gently set her down and lead her to the dance floor. "Your Majesty Henry Tudor" She laughed. "You're so not you delusional little man" I brought her to her partner. "I'll prove it to you" I turned my head around and moved to spot across from my sister. I could tell Anne was giggling. "UNMASK!" Anne was in shock as the mask went off. I was right, I was the King of England. I was in shock as well, she was beautiful with her eyes as dark as her hair. I gazed into Anne's beautiful eyes once again. "Told you so" Anne giggled and smiled at me. I started to melt like snow and ice in springtime. Everyone around me started to dance the traditional English dances. My thoughts continued to focus on Anne and then I was interrupted for the third time during this rubbish pageant by annoying sister Margaret. "HENRYFORTHEFIFTHTEENTHMILLIONTHTIMEIDONOTWANNAMARRYTHATOLDASDIRTMAN!" Margaret squealed at a mile per minute. "Oh be quiet Margaret about the marry the old king is crazy about you." I wanted to look at Anne but Margaret made me look at her. "ISAIDIDONTWANNAMARRYTHATMAN!" I sighed as Margaret kept screaming at me like a wild woman. The pageant ended I ran away from my insane sister as fast as I could. I tried to get a glimpse of Anne one last time before she scurried off. After that it all went down hill from there. I was in love with another woman.

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