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2. Who Am I?
| Top Ten list of Things King Henry would NEVER say: |
1. A boy? A boy?! A boy!!! How many times do I have to tell you that I want a DAUGHTER?!?!?!
2. Oh no, not ANOTHER Pageant, I hate getting dressed up!
3. Get away from me, you brazen hussy! Don't you know that I only have eyes for my beloved wife?
4. It could be down to me that I have never had a son.
5. Of course you can tell me I'm wrong! I'm only a king I can't be right ALL the time!
6. (to Francis after the wrestling match) What can I say? The better man won.
7. Do you think I've gained weight over the years?
8. You know, maybe what I want *isn't* necessarily God's will.
9. (looks back on life) Dude...I effed up!
10. I decree - all the executioners should be fired and retrained as salad chefs!
| Top 10 things Anne Boleyn would NEVER do:|
1. Happily share Henry VIII with another woman.
2. Commit adultery.
3. Keep her opinions to herself
4. Make a state visit to Spain.
5. Admit she could have treated Katherine Of Aragon with more respect.
6. Allow the Princess Elizabeth to frolic with that creepy Thomas Seymour (if she had lived!)
7. Declare herself a devout catholic and KOA the true Queen of England
8. Use a contraceptive.
9. Ditch Henry and run away with Katherine. (granted, she might have been better off if she had...)
10. Be a "hand model".
Top Ten Reasons Why Henry Sucks As A Husband:
1. His obsession with procreation isn't exactly romantic.
2. Always gets his own way, unwilling to compromise
3. Hard to get a moment alone...there's always someone earwigging every conversation.
4. You could never have a bunch of the girls over, because he would just be adding to his "to-do" list.
5. You could never have a civilized chat with any guy, including your own brother, without being beheaded for adultery.
6. Sabbath confusion, "Are we Catholic this week, or are we Protestant?"
7. (later wives) Having to pretend he's still the handsomest Prince in Christendom even when he's as fat as a hog, twice as ugly and smells ten times worse.
7. He always "out with the boys," jousting and hunting and at his Privy Council meetings at all hours.
9. If you don't have a son, it's all your fault... even if he never visits your bed to play his part in conceiving said son.
10. He's up one minute and down the next....and refuses to take his medication as he "doesn't have a problem, he's THE KING!"
What were the top ten things going through Wolsey's mind as his downfall progressed?:
1. He should have known that even if Anne refused to help him, plotting with Katherine would still piss Henry off.
2. Damn, Joan warned me about bringing attention to myself with the fancy red robes, I should have listened to her!
3. If I had served God half as well as I served the king, He would not have left me to die in this place.
4. Oh how I wish that little Witch Anne Boleyn had got lost in the Hampton Court Maze.
5. Perhaps counselling Henry about women was not my biggest forte.
6. Wolsey, pacing in his jail cell, suddenly stops and slaps his forehead, "I knew I was forgetting something...I forgot to show Joan where to find the spare key!"
7. I can't wait to see Henry's face when he realizes that I hid the Crown Jewels.
8. I guess the Papacy is now out of the question too.
9. Methinks I may have underestimated that silly long legged girl....just a tad.
10. Guess I'll have to go back to wearing pants....for a short time anyway.
Top Ten things Henry would like to see become Olympic events:
1. Synchronised Executions
2. Swan eating competitions
3. The moat jump.
4. Who could shag more women in a day (brandon would win)
5. The Lady-in-waiting relay event.
(for discretion's sake I won't mention what Henry deems as "passing the baton")
6.The hundred maid dash.
7.The egg and spoon race.
8. The bedchamber triathlon
- the high jump - into bed
- the long jump - across the bed
& the shot putt - use your imagination
9. Ditch-vaulting. (as seen in episode 1.04; Henry isn't very good at it)
10. A new event pioneered by William Compton. It combines jousting & tossing the caber.
Top 10 Sins Thomas More would NEVER do:
1. Go against his conscience and sign the oath.(pretty obvious one I know)
2. Thomas More would never hurt COA or Mary
3. Join Henry on a trip to his "Hareeem"......
4. Thomas More would never cheat-on, divorce, or discard a wife, (wives).
5. Never flirt with Mark Smeaton.
6. Dance the "Volta" with Anne.
7. Never destroy church property, or things
8. Never indulge and buy himself a big posh house with more rooms than the king
9. Never wear red
10. Commit a sin against the 10 commandments
Top ten Things Smeaton may be found doing just before his arrest:
1. Composing a love song about George.
2. Fiddling with his instrument
3.Katherine of Aragon's monkey had stolen his fiddle bow - so he was spanking the monkey.
4.Flirting with Thomas More's portrait (based on the last top ten!)
5. Plucking a daisy, saying, "he loves me...he loves me not....he loves me.........."
6. trying on Queen Annes dresses with glee
7. While singing "I'm so pretty, I'm so pretty?
8. Comparing himself to Orlando Bloom in the mirror
9.Trying on the Queens jewels.
10. He just came back from the stables where he and Mary Boleyn were comparing stallions.
Top Ten things Francis I & Henry would argue about:
1. Which of them is better in bed (perhaps calling Mary Boleyn in to settle the issue :P)
2. Whose jousting stick is longer ;)
3. Who has the most beautiful wife or mistress.
4.Who is the more handsome!
5. Whose calves are bigger ( although Francis is a little confused and thinks they are talking about cattle)
6. Whether a pie full of live birds is a better present than a pretty necklace.
7. Comparing what's inside each others Codpiece....(cause that's where they keep their family jewels, of course)
8. Whether or not Henry would have kicked Francis' ass if Francis hadn't been afraid of a rematch...
9 ...which leads into another argument about whether Francis really was afraid of the rematch in the first place.
10. Comparing who has the most jewels....
King Henry's top ten excuses:
1. I wasn't with any harems, I was hunting
2. It's not my fault her duckies just popped into my hands....
3. She seduced me with witchcraft!
4. It has a mind of it's own.....
5. I didn't sign the death warrant - Anne (Cromwell/Wolsey/Scapegoat of the Week) forged my signature.
6.I did NOT give Jane the locket sweetheart it was for you
7. I didn't say "Katherine," sweetheart, I said, uh, "Anne you win." You must have heard me wrong.
7. I swear, Jane stuffed her favour into my armour while I was unconscious! I knew nothing about it!
8. I do like the way you make my shirts darling, its just not the right size
9. I was out playing "chess" I swear
10. It's not what it looks like...she is praying..Am I or Am I not God?
| Top ten songs that remind us of the tudors|
1. Viva la vida- Coldplay (General)
2. Greensleeves (About anne boleyn)
3. My sweet lady jane-The rolling stones (for Jane)
4.The winner takes it all-ABBA (Anne to henry)
5.Uninvited-Alanis morrisette (Anne's thoughts on being the object of henrys affections in season 1)
6.Only time-Enya (General)
7.The Rose-Bette midler/Leann rimes (General)
8. House Of Wolves- My Chemical Romance (Thomas More-what read the lyrics!)
9. Translyvania- Mc Fly (Anne Boleyn)
10. King Of The World-PorcelainAnd The Tramps (Henry)
| || |
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